#1 Boasting

"I don't brag, I mostly boast" -- Missy Elliott

One thing that is befuddling to many people is the overwhelming amount of self-confidence black people have. You would think that after hundreds of years of oppression and being told that we're not good enough, we would be the racial group with the lowest self- esteem. But be it DNA or the fact that black people are just highly self-aware about how nice we are, turns out that black people probably are the most confident group of people in the world.

In the world? Not even an overstatement. Consider the musings of Muhammad Ali:

Note how all the white people think he's being hilarious, when in reality, Mr. Ali was probably just being real. Everyone's all "hahaha, Ali you so funny," and Ali is like, "wait, but dead ass though..." Dude even called himself the (with capitals) "World's Greatest." But he is not alone. Black people stay proclaiming themselves the best. Lil' Wayne calls himself "The Greatest Rapper Alive," and Jay-Z decided to name himself God because he is that nice at rapping. And hello? Why do you think white people call Barack Obama an elitist?

The thing that is so unique about black people's tendency to let everyone know how great we are, is that 100% of the time we believe it. Every nigga swear he/she is that nigga. No matter what. A black person can be publicly embarassed, shamed, tarred and feathered, and come back from it singing the same song.

Do not think that black people are limited in the avenues we use for boasting. We realize that not everyone is going to be able to physically hear us or understand what we are saying, so we exercize every aspect of human expression to get our boastful nature across. Why do you think black people gesture so much? The swag is so overwhelming, it takes over our whole bodies. Why just say you're good when you can also show it? This is why on many occasions, black people wind up looking like this in photos:

The boastful self-importance of these young men is easy to discern in this photo.

For black people, there is never an innapropriate time or place when it comes to boasting. Boasting is always acceptable, even if it means you have to interrupt your moment of glory. This nigga Usain Bolt is a prime example. Dude slowed down during an Olympic race to maximize his boasting time and future boasting potential. Now that's a champion boaster. Why wait 'til you've actually shattered the world record to let everyone know you did? Why break a world record performing at your full potential, when you can slow down, still break the record, and leave enough time for you to do it again, so you continue to boast about how nice you are in the future? There's a man who plans ahead.

So If you ever come upon a black person, especially in a setting that involves competition, dancing, or just general living, don't start feelin' some type of way when that black person starts talking about his/her virtuosity in whatever activity. Just smile and respect that whether or not this percieved niceness is an actual reality, it is very much a reality for that black person.

And hey, why wouldn't we boast? Especially when we're clearly significantly better at it than everyone else.