#10: Songs About Shoes

As previously mentioned, black people are huge fans of various organized dances. But why would anyone want to concentrate on a black person's feet if they are not adorned in a way that is aesthetically pleasing? Everyone loves shoes, but black people love them so much that they write whole songs dedicated to them.

Granted, other groups of people have written songs about shoes, but the difference with black people is that when we write songs about shoes, we are not only expressing out love for them, but also shaming other people into wearing them. How else would an organized black-people dance be organized if we're not wearing similar shoe styles?

#9: The Electric Slide

We've already covered how much black people love organized dances, but the Electric Slide stands in a class by itself, so much so that it deserves its own post.

Every black person knows this dance, unless there are extenuating circumstances that would cause otherwise. Really. It is the quintessential organized dance, originally called the "Electric Boogie," sung by Marcia Griffiths of the I-Three's , the ladies who sang backup for Bob Marley& The Wailers. The Electric Slide is like hypnosis for black people, once the opening bars come on, black people are compelled to the dancefloor.

Without further ado:

and the original video:

#8: Organized Dances

Black people are well aware of the stereotype that we are all good dancers. Of course, our savviness with movement has less to do with genetics, and more to do with the fact that dancing plays a huge part in black cultures all over the world. Black people spend time dancing like how white people spend time wearing Birkenstocks.

But not all black people can dance. Knowing this, the black community takes steps to keep up the illusion that we're all naturally good dancers by administering every few months or years a new organized dance for black people to learn. Organized dances are great for black people because:

1. They set up a foundation of steps that look complicated but are actually really easy. You learn the steps, you're good money.

2. The steps are easy to manipulate, so you can do you and not look like the next person while you're dancing. This also makes the steps look harder than they actually are.

3. Gives black people an opportunity to swag on other black people and boast about how much better they look doing any given dance.

Here are some organized dances that have taken black people by storm in the past 10 years:

Harlem Shake:

The Jerk:

The Infamous Dutty Wine:

RIP to all those dancehall enthusiasts who have died doing this dance (seriously, people have broken their necks).

Lean With it/Rock With it:

God Bless America.

The Heisman:

Let 'em know.

Nuh Linga/Sweep:

Chicken Noodle Soup:

and, because of my personal love for Harlem, The Aunt Jackie:

#1 Boasting

"I don't brag, I mostly boast" -- Missy Elliott

One thing that is befuddling to many people is the overwhelming amount of self-confidence black people have. You would think that after hundreds of years of oppression and being told that we're not good enough, we would be the racial group with the lowest self- esteem. But be it DNA or the fact that black people are just highly self-aware about how nice we are, turns out that black people probably are the most confident group of people in the world.

In the world? Not even an overstatement. Consider the musings of Muhammad Ali:

Note how all the white people think he's being hilarious, when in reality, Mr. Ali was probably just being real. Everyone's all "hahaha, Ali you so funny," and Ali is like, "wait, but dead ass though..." Dude even called himself the (with capitals) "World's Greatest." But he is not alone. Black people stay proclaiming themselves the best. Lil' Wayne calls himself "The Greatest Rapper Alive," and Jay-Z decided to name himself God because he is that nice at rapping. And hello? Why do you think white people call Barack Obama an elitist?

The thing that is so unique about black people's tendency to let everyone know how great we are, is that 100% of the time we believe it. Every nigga swear he/she is that nigga. No matter what. A black person can be publicly embarassed, shamed, tarred and feathered, and come back from it singing the same song.

Do not think that black people are limited in the avenues we use for boasting. We realize that not everyone is going to be able to physically hear us or understand what we are saying, so we exercize every aspect of human expression to get our boastful nature across. Why do you think black people gesture so much? The swag is so overwhelming, it takes over our whole bodies. Why just say you're good when you can also show it? This is why on many occasions, black people wind up looking like this in photos:

The boastful self-importance of these young men is easy to discern in this photo.

For black people, there is never an innapropriate time or place when it comes to boasting. Boasting is always acceptable, even if it means you have to interrupt your moment of glory. This nigga Usain Bolt is a prime example. Dude slowed down during an Olympic race to maximize his boasting time and future boasting potential. Now that's a champion boaster. Why wait 'til you've actually shattered the world record to let everyone know you did? Why break a world record performing at your full potential, when you can slow down, still break the record, and leave enough time for you to do it again, so you continue to boast about how nice you are in the future? There's a man who plans ahead.

So If you ever come upon a black person, especially in a setting that involves competition, dancing, or just general living, don't start feelin' some type of way when that black person starts talking about his/her virtuosity in whatever activity. Just smile and respect that whether or not this percieved niceness is an actual reality, it is very much a reality for that black person.

And hey, why wouldn't we boast? Especially when we're clearly significantly better at it than everyone else.